Wednesday, April 25, 2007

new Blog

so I have Started a new blog.
it is going to be my coding blog. I was going to put some thought I have on coding up here.

but this site is more about me complaining about things.

so new site.



Tuesday, April 24, 2007

And we are going backwards. No Shock.

So we are now thinking of moving to West Seattle. We are going to go over this weekend and look at the area. But we really want to move. Kirkland is ok, but boring and expense. And I have little dought that our rent will go up. And for what we are getting. That just is not right. In West Seattle we can get more for less and the commute would not be so bad. I think I would like that. We also may do Magnolia. I might even like Magnolia more. It is to the north instead of the south. And north would be closer to Kung-fu. Either way. We need to move. I am sure if we stay where we are. By the end of summer. We will be moving back to Boulder. And I do love Boulder. But I would like to give it at least one more year here.

And maybe, just maybe if we can get a place that cost a little less. We can save some $$. Maybe.

On the down side. 25 days (would be 24 today) till xbox is shot!

I know it would be. Just knew it. I should not be depressed about this. But I am. I am a lot. And I do not think it is really the xbox (but I would love to have one) it is the fact that I have to make choices like this. I don’t get how it is that I make as much as I do and can’t just go get the xbox when I want and still have $$ to move. I don’t get it. We don’t waste that much $$. Is it were we live? Maybe. Still. It is depressing. so F#$King depressing!

Here lest depress myself some more.
So it was 25 days.
Lest add at least 2 months because of moving.
So 85 days.
Any # of things that are needed come up.

And that is how it is going to go.
No way around it.
But on the up side. We will have a nice place to live. And that means a lot. A whole lot. Maybe being in a new place will pirk me up. :(

Monday, April 23, 2007

Ok. 360 here I come. I hope.

So Saturday night I was very close to getting a 360. I was seconds away from it. ~L told me to get it and I really wanted to. But the trough is I have a hard time spending that kind of $$. I mean I could just get the core set. But that has no hard drive and no game. 2 things I really need. So getting the core set $300 would be nice. But not what I really want.

What I want is the Core set with a hard drive, a game and a few other things. I think by the time it is all said and done it will be about $500. That is lots of $$. So I did not get it Saturday. Made me a little said but I put back ½ of what I need for it. I was going to just get it on the next pay check but ~L pointed out that would be the rent paycheck. So I guess it will not be 2 weeks but 4. That kind of drives me nuts but ok.

What drives me nuts about it is I am sure by 4 weeks we are going to find lots of things we will need to put the $$ towards. After all, our lease is coming up. Our rent could go up. We need to register the car next month. And god knows what else could happen.

I hate that feeling. Hate it.
But I am sure it will all work out. I hope.
So 25 days till x-box 360. Please only 25 days.

Thursday, April 19, 2007

So close to getting there.

At the start of this week I had a good Monday. Something happened at work to make me vary happy. It was something that was offered me that would have gotten me to a place were we could get ahead. Get a new computer, get an x-box 360. Get some $ in the bank. Get things I wanted. Be able to go to more kung-fu things. Let ~L and ~Z do more stuff. Do more stuff with them. For 2 days I was on top of the world. My stress had gone down. But yesterday I was told that it was a mistake. things had happened and people were miss informed. Offered me stuff they were not suppose to. So it was taken away. Away. I know the parson that offered it to me was new and new people make mistakes. I can't hold people for making mistakes. I know I have made enough myself.

Still. I cant help but feel bad. Like hope was taken from me somehow. I cant help but feel disappointed and a little depressed.

But it will be ok.

thewildword ~d. :(

Sunday, April 15, 2007

Home Sick.

So we have been here almost a year. I for the most part I think it has been good. We have seen lots of places and done lots of things. Been down to central Oregon, up to Canada and done lots of other things. We have had a good time. Some what. Job is good, been a ride sometimes, but good. I have learned a hole lot and my job skills have really increased. And so has my asking price for work.

Still. I have not been able to get to Kung-fu. It is on the other side of the lake and that might as well be on the other side of the world to get there dearing the week. So that just sucks. And no matter what we do, we just cant seem to make friends. I remember growing up, it always seemed that my parents would have some friends over once a week or we would go somewhere and play cards, go bowling, even just watch ball together. Living in Boulder I had a social life on and off. Gaming and the like. It was hit and miss sometimes. but it happened. Way more than here. There was just odd people that we got along with.

There is no odd here. We miss the odd. Miss the Food, Miss the Mall. Miss it to the point that I have kind of been looking at Jobs and homes there. It is so much cheaper. I could make what I am making now and the cost of living would be less by a 4th I think. And we would be around people that I know would love to watch ~Z, and we could get a yard for ~Z and the Dog. they would love that. And I would feel like I am home.

For the most part we are just not having fun here. We have little moments of fun. I enjoy class when I get there. ~S and ~M (kung-fu people) I love hanging out when then when we can. but they live across the world as well and have the school to run. UU is nice, but it is not really fun. There are things I enjoy. but not really fun. the most fun, the happiest I have been in the last year is when we were in CA and we had one night up at my friends house in LA. that was the best. Dont get me wrong. ~Z and ~L and the best. they are my loves and home. and ~Z stunts me every day. but LA was home. not the place, but the people.

What sucks is that I did not feel as relaxed there as I wish. as I should have. Part of me thinks that it is me here. people dont like me. So the hole time I was in LA I felt like I was holding my breath that my old friends would still like me. It is just there are people at the UU that seems like I should be able to make friends with. And people say "lest get togher." but no one ever dose. So I feel like I cant make friends. and I worry that people dont like me. Even around people that I know do.


It would feel a little like I was failing in my quest to live in the NW. There is a lot good up here, water, rain, ~L sister and step brother, Job, people of UU (but there is 2 UU in Boulder though.) It just seems that no one dose anything here. there are things to do. but people just seem to get home for the weekend and stay there. I dont get it.

I did have a good time last Friday after work. I stayed there with some co-workers and played Rise of Nations. It was fun, and I could do more things like that, more Kung-fu, RPG, and other stuff, but it would be with out ~L and ~Z. I dont mind doing that sometimes. but I dont want to do it all the time. I will not give up my family for such things. I want to do fun things with my family and others. That seems hard to do. and ~L has nothing like that. Nothing that is hers. And she needs that. I need her to have that. That is how you get happy.

It just hurts being here sometimes.

Summers here are stunning, and I do love my job. most of the time.

I am guessing we are just home sick. But I sure miss my friends.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Canada and Easter.

Well we had our Easter, went to Canada to see ~L sister, her husband and there child ~S. it was a good trip. Nice to see them. And ~Z and ~S hit it off. They had a good time playing. We hope to get them together more. It would be a shame not to. They do live so close.

Still. I found Canada odd. I can’t see any deferent’s between our earth and there’s. It felt odd though. The sighs being in Kilometers, even though I knew they would be, made me feel out of my element right away. And god only knows how much anything costs or ways. I can convert Kilometers to miles ruffle but Money to money. Pounds to whatever they use… lost! I felt more at home in England.

We got on the highway there and we were suppose to go 2 miles to our exit. But the sigh said 5 till the next. But in 2 miles there is was. I thought there sigh was wrong. But then I realized it was not wrong. Just in Kilometers. So kind of wrong.
And I thought the hole Putting “Ahaa” at the end of each question was something that was done for TV, but know they do it. I know it is bad. But I could not help but think. “O my god, people really do that?” Everyone was nice though. And I did have a good time. I hope ~L sister and her family come down soon.

I was glad to get back on this side of the border though. The drive was stunning and we found what looks like a great place to hike. We took the road along the cost back. Everything was so green. I would love to take the drive sometime when it was not raining. I do love rain. But I would love to see it all in the sun.

It really helped. I was kind of set off the hole day. And I know why. ~L sister and her family always seem to have not $$ but yet they have lots of stuff. Flat screen TV, 3 computers, Nice Monitors and lots of DVDs that they have bought. And I know we make more than them.

But yet I can’t give any of that stuff to my family or myself. I just don’t know what I am doing wrong. I am guessing nothing. I know we don’t live off credit or family and they do. Still…. I don’t know.. Still. I was set off by it.
I need something to change. I need to get ahead. Somehow…
Well ~Z is happy.

More later.


Sunday, April 1, 2007


That is want is running through me right now.

I have had a good last few days. Starting Wednesday by boss was out. I got a lot done. Not that I don’t when he is there. He is a grate boss and really knows his stuff. He is also dedicating lots of time in me. Still I kind of have some down time right now. And I fell better about using it to learn stuff when he is not there. Odd I know. But part of me always fells like I am goofing off when I am not working on a project.

Well the stuff I did that day and the next at work, Friday from home and the last two days just for fun. I am sure they will be pleased with. Server controls I am really getting the hang of. I can’t wait for my review!

Beside’s that I did get my first .Net page up that is my own that I did. I redid the CSC Seattle site. Here it is take a look. I am happy with it. The down side is that the server only allows you to run a .Net site from the root dir. So I have to have it go though an Iframe. Kind of a pain. And I can’t get the stupid white border to go away. I have another CSC site to work on. For Salt Lake.

Today at the UU I was invited to start going to the planning committee for sermons. I think I will enjoy that. I might even give a sermon one day… I sure do give my thought enough when we get to say what we think about the sermon that day. I guess that is why they want me up there.

That makes me happy.

Still all this good stuff and I am not happy right now. There is nothing I can put my fingers on. But I fell somewhat lost. ~L and I are talking about moving again. Somewhere link Bend OR. I guess it is more like Boulder. Less rain. I am not happy about that. But ~L is having a hard time with all the clouds. I am going to miss the rain. I love the rain. But I can admit that I do miss the Sun as well. It fells good to be in the sun some times. I see the sun way to much from inside an office…
I miss kung-fu to. But I have no time for that here. I keep getting headaches and bloody noses here. Well I have for the last 2 weeks. I not to worried about it. But it is a pain.

~L and I have talked about going back to Boulder. Part of me really would like that. More kung-fu, people we know and I am sure I could get a job there. But going back would fill odd. I think I would rather move to Bend. I think there is a chance there will be more storms there. I just don’t fell like I have a home right now. I fell like I am just starting to get settled here and we are thinking about moving. I would love move to a house. Some place with a yard for ~Z and the pets. But I am not sure that I am ready to give up on WA yet. It seems like we are just getting started here.

I also still want a 360. I just don’t see how I am going to get one though. I don’t know if one will make me happy. But I know not having one is not helping with how I fell. Stupid hu?

Well it is for the most part going ok. ~Z is stunning. Growing. ~L’s art is just stunning as well. And Well work.. work is going so well.
Thewildword ~d