Sunday, April 15, 2007

Home Sick.

So we have been here almost a year. I for the most part I think it has been good. We have seen lots of places and done lots of things. Been down to central Oregon, up to Canada and done lots of other things. We have had a good time. Some what. Job is good, been a ride sometimes, but good. I have learned a hole lot and my job skills have really increased. And so has my asking price for work.

Still. I have not been able to get to Kung-fu. It is on the other side of the lake and that might as well be on the other side of the world to get there dearing the week. So that just sucks. And no matter what we do, we just cant seem to make friends. I remember growing up, it always seemed that my parents would have some friends over once a week or we would go somewhere and play cards, go bowling, even just watch ball together. Living in Boulder I had a social life on and off. Gaming and the like. It was hit and miss sometimes. but it happened. Way more than here. There was just odd people that we got along with.

There is no odd here. We miss the odd. Miss the Food, Miss the Mall. Miss it to the point that I have kind of been looking at Jobs and homes there. It is so much cheaper. I could make what I am making now and the cost of living would be less by a 4th I think. And we would be around people that I know would love to watch ~Z, and we could get a yard for ~Z and the Dog. they would love that. And I would feel like I am home.

For the most part we are just not having fun here. We have little moments of fun. I enjoy class when I get there. ~S and ~M (kung-fu people) I love hanging out when then when we can. but they live across the world as well and have the school to run. UU is nice, but it is not really fun. There are things I enjoy. but not really fun. the most fun, the happiest I have been in the last year is when we were in CA and we had one night up at my friends house in LA. that was the best. Dont get me wrong. ~Z and ~L and the best. they are my loves and home. and ~Z stunts me every day. but LA was home. not the place, but the people.

What sucks is that I did not feel as relaxed there as I wish. as I should have. Part of me thinks that it is me here. people dont like me. So the hole time I was in LA I felt like I was holding my breath that my old friends would still like me. It is just there are people at the UU that seems like I should be able to make friends with. And people say "lest get togher." but no one ever dose. So I feel like I cant make friends. and I worry that people dont like me. Even around people that I know do.


It would feel a little like I was failing in my quest to live in the NW. There is a lot good up here, water, rain, ~L sister and step brother, Job, people of UU (but there is 2 UU in Boulder though.) It just seems that no one dose anything here. there are things to do. but people just seem to get home for the weekend and stay there. I dont get it.

I did have a good time last Friday after work. I stayed there with some co-workers and played Rise of Nations. It was fun, and I could do more things like that, more Kung-fu, RPG, and other stuff, but it would be with out ~L and ~Z. I dont mind doing that sometimes. but I dont want to do it all the time. I will not give up my family for such things. I want to do fun things with my family and others. That seems hard to do. and ~L has nothing like that. Nothing that is hers. And she needs that. I need her to have that. That is how you get happy.

It just hurts being here sometimes.

Summers here are stunning, and I do love my job. most of the time.

I am guessing we are just home sick. But I sure miss my friends.

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